Relationally Disconnected – A Trauma Wound

May 12
Written by Jess Lea

The journey of self-discovery is filled with opportunities to observe and learn from our patterns. Practicing mindfulness—pausing to reflect on our behaviors—can reveal not only the wounds we carry, but also the coping mechanisms we developed during moments of crisis, and the subconscious systems we've continued to operate in ever since.

Disconnection often serves as protection. It becomes a pattern—sometimes subtle, sometimes deeply ingrained.

For example, while I feel deeply connected to nature, my emotions, my intuition, and certain people, I’ve recently recognized a pattern of struggling to form deep, long-term intimate relationships. Despite craving this kind of safety and closeness, it has felt difficult to sustain.

I’ve made this a priority in my healing journey, placing it at the forefront of my awareness. What I’ve discovered is that I’ve learned to love through a veil of disconnection.

As a child, I lacked emotional stability. The behaviors I witnessed were chaotic, unregulated, and emotionally detached—so my subconscious created a survival system based on what it knew. I unknowingly began to attract individuals who also struggled with emotional safety and depth.

Our wounds mirrored each other. And over time, I saw how our shared fear of abandonment created a relational cycle—one filled with emotional distance, blame, and eventual disconnection.

Looking more deeply, I now see how my early exposure to my father’s infidelity shaped my understanding of relationships. I internalized love as something unreliable, fractured, and fleeting—something always at risk of being taken away. Their inability to resolve conflict or show emotional transparency led to more pain, avoidance, and emotional shutdowns.

Conflict came to equal abandonment in my nervous system. And so, I began to seek safety in emotional distance.

Growing up in a home where emotional or physical betrayal was normalized can create patterns of unhealed trust issues and a tendency to seek external validation. We may find ourselves repeating cycles of emotional disconnection, fear, or sabotage—simply because it’s what feels familiar.

And let’s be clear: infidelity isn't just physical.
It can be emotional avoidance.
It can be a lack of transparency.
It can be the chronic outsourcing of validation—seeking outside the relationship what should be nurtured within.

These behaviors erode trust and destabilize relationships, fostering conflict and deeper disconnection.

Recognizing these patterns is the first step in breaking them. When we begin to address the root causes of emotional disconnection—abandonment trauma, survival strategies, unresolved wounds—we can create new possibilities. We start to build relationships based on trust, compassion, honesty, and mutual support.

These trauma-driven patterns don’t just affect our romantic relationships.
They show up in our relationships with our children, friends, and business partnerships.
They influence how we treat our bodies, how we approach habits and addictions, and how we tend to our overall well-being.

By recognizing and interrupting these deep-seated cycles, we open the door to healing.
We create space for a new relational paradigm—one based on love, clarity, and emotional safety.

The journey to heal these patterns takes time, tenderness, and conscious effort. But it is possible.
And it begins with self-awareness, truth-telling, and the willingness to change what once felt unchangeable.

You don’t have to do it alone.
I’m here to support you on your path toward healing and wholeness.